a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Randomize
