"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
