his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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