How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
