Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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