Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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