I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
