Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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