found the other keg... it's in the tree
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
