at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
