It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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