Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
