Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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