just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
