You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize