Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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