So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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