you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
