I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
