New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
