remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
