Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
