My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
