hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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