shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
