he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
