Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
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