i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
