She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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