All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
