I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
