Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
