if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
