Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
