he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
