But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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