I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
