Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
