Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
