I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
