I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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