it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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