I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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