What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
