$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
