I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
