You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
