D3 body, D1 cock
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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