Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
