Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
