the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
