I feel like I'm in dance class right now
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
