Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
