Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
