Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
