You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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