just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
