i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
