Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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