idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
