He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
