I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
