3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Randomize
