I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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