I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
