i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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