Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize