I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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