chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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