worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
smell my finger.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
