I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's shark week go big or go home
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
