First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
