I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
