nut hugger
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We just shotgunned beers for America
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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