yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
