addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Randomize
