Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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