4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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