It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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