I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
