I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
