It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
