I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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