ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Randomize
