Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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