We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
