Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
