His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
