There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
