I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
