Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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