im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
