I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
