I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize