You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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