Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
