I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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