Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
