I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
