i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
