Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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