Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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