dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
